5-Star Review: “Go Pills Now Also Marketed as ‘The 90-Minute Marriage Renewal Kit’”I bought these for my cut because clen hits me hard. What it actually delivered was thermogenic fury… in my pants.Day 1: Took two capsules with breakfast like a responsible adult. By 10:17 a.m. I was sweating like I owed the sauna money. Cool, fat’s melting, right? Then around 10:45 the real side effect kicked in. Let’s just say my khakis suddenly had a very enthusiastic tent pole auditioning for Cirque du Soleil.Wife walks in from the laundry room holding a basket of socks, sees my situation, raises one eyebrow and goes, “Are we… hiding a flagpole in there now?” I’m not proud of what happened next, but I’m also not not proud.We went from zero to four rounds in roughly 90 minutes. I’m talking the kind of stamina usually reserved for 19-year-old TikTok athletes who do nothing but deadlift and drink Prime all day. Positions were invented that afternoon that NASA should study for zero-gravity applications. The headboard left a dent in the drywall. The dog left the room in disgust. Our 12-year-old later asked why Mommy was “practicing opera” in the middle of the day.By round four I was legitimately concerned I might set a personal record… or need an ambulance. My amazfit watch was screaming “ARE YOU OKAY?!” like a concerned aunt at Thanksgiving. Meanwhile the wife is lying there looking like she just survived a very enthusiastic tornado and just whispers, “I think we finally found your pre-workout.”Pros:Torched approximately 0.3 pounds of fat (probably sweat)Turned a Tuesday morning into the 2026 bedroom Olympics Wife now refers to the bottle as “the good candy”No post-deed clarity, only post-deed confusion about how I’m still standing and upright at 53 years old, and had an amazing push day training session later.
Cons:Can’t look the dog in the eye anymore
Had to explain to the kids why the bedroom door now has a new “handle-shaped” hole in the drywall I’m pretty sure I burned more calories from “bedroom cardio “ than from the actual pills Might be slightly addictive (the sex, not the pills… okay maybe both) but this is day one.
Final verdict: 10/10 for fat burning if your definition of “fat burning” includes setting your marriage on fire in the best possible way. If you’re single, maybe skip these unless you enjoy awkward boners during Zoom meetings. If you’re married… buy the subscription
